Everyday Stressors!

Well, from what Bryan was researching from the internet... we seem to think I had a bout with the Norovirus last weekend. We went out, ate spaghetti, and I fell asleep with no issues. I woke up less than two hours later with EXTREME cramping and nausea. I was trembling and kind of scared! I walked around for 10 minutes or so... and then laid back down. The room was spinning and in a rush of panic I ran to the bathroom and puked my guts out. It wasn't a "morning sickness" or a "hangover" barf.... it was like "Oh my goodness just let me die on the bathroom floor" kind of throwing up. I went back to sleep and woke up with a headache (I'm assuming from the dehydration). Then I felt fine the rest of the day! Last night Bryan woke up in a panic and said he was going to throw up. I don't know if he caught the virus one week later or what... but he was miserable all night. I felt so bad because I was so exhausted I didn't get up to help.

This morning there was some snow on the ground, but we've been driving in it for the past few months now. My car isn't too bad in the snow and the roads were pretty clear! Northbound I-65 had two crashed semis that crashed into the median. They were all torn up and it stopped traffic! Then Eastbound Rt. 30 seemed fine! I passed a snow plow who was putting out salt (for once!) Westbound there were multiple accidents all within 100 yards of each other. There were cars that flipped into the ditch, the road was closed off, and there were ambulances taking people out on stretchers! In that second my car hit black ice and I slid fast and without any of my control. I slid about 2 inches from a deep ditch on the side of the road before I caught some sort of traction and whipped over into the other lane.

I was so so so so scared. My heart was racing, I started shaking, and I felt my belly cramp up. After the road was more clear and I was driving 35 in a 55 in the slow right lane, I called Bryan. I started crying and just had to tell him because I was so scared. It's funny because now that I'm pregnant, I don't put myself first anymore. My first thought as my car was about to slide off the road and flip, I thought "Is my seatbelt on correctly on my legs and not my belly?", "Nora is going to be okay", and then my last thought was "All of our savings for the house will be gone if I crash this car". It's interesting how "Mom thoughts" come before all other thoughts in the time of danger.

We're okay. I was just shaken up and scared. I think I freaked Bryan out, but I just needed to freak out for a second in order to feel better. I texted him once I go to work to lighten up the mood and told him about my newest strange dream. I had chest hair like 4 feet long. I cut it off and it was like beautiful blonde Barbie hair so we brushed it. HAHAHA... good lord, Nora! What are you doing to me?

We are currently house hunting. We've only looked through one house but it was a bust. The house was perfect except a bowed basement wall (scary foundation issues). We are currently in the process of making an appointment to look at a (scary looking) foreclosure for $21K. From what I can see from the pictures, it doesn't look too bad! It is a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom house with a two car garage. All the flooring have been ripped out, some of the cabinets are missing, and no appliances. With a bigger loan, my dad could make it our dream home with the perfect cabinets, the perfect flooring, and with Bryan's discount, the perfect appliances. From the pictures, the windows and siding look pretty new and as long as the roof and foundation are fine (and there's no mold) we will be golden. It needs a new water heater and central air... but it would be easy for my family to do! My dad is really excited about looking at it with us. It would be wonderful to only take out $60K on a mortgage for a perfect forever home. Our payments would be so low. I'm trying not to get too excited about it until we go look at it, but I just want out of our apartment so badly!

I think it's just hormones, but I want to write "DOUCHEBAG" with my finger in the snow on this guy's windshield in my apartment complex parking lot. This guy has his sportscar parked in the front parking spot in front of the apartment complex... okay... not a crime, right? The thing is, he's been parked there for abut two months now AND HAS NEVER DRIVEN HIS CAR in that time. You can tell because there are NO tire marks behind his car in the snow. It just sits there! It makes me crazy because there is snow buildup between the cars that people have to walk through to get to the other side of the parking lot. It gets packed down and turns to ice! Now you have a guy with a sportscar parked in the front spot of the parking lot that doesn't move while a lady who is 5 months pregnant (that's me!) has to walk across the parking lot through the ice and snow to get to her car (and almost falls everyday!) There are also at least 2 other families in my building with babies/small children who have to carry their children out to the car through the icy parking lot. Use your freaking brain and MOVE YOUR CAR IF YOU'RE NOT DRIVING IT. It makes me crazy! Every time I slip and almost eat pavement I feel like throwing my coffee cup through their windshield. Good lord it makes me so angry!

I've been hormonal lately. I can't tell if it's just the baby or the weather... or both... but I just want spring to be here already. I'm tired of the cold and the darkness... bring on the warm weather and the sunshine. I've also been exhausted. I feel like an overtired toddler at times because I get so cranky! Yesterday I told Bryan I didn't even want dinner... I just wanted to come home and sleep. It's the kind of exhaustion you feel in your muscles and gives you a dull headache. I sleep 8-10 hours a night and it doesn't matter. I'm a zombie by noon. Whoever has this "Second Trimester Energy Spike" should be nice and send a little my way. I'm just a tired, cranky, mama.

I think we're cancelling our Spring Break trip to Disney World. After looking at houses, we just want a home so badly. It seems crazy to spend the money when we need it for a house. We might just spend a few nights in Chicago instead and make our Babymoon a whole lot cheaper. It's only 30 min away and we've always talked about going to the museums and hanging out downtown... but we never have the time. I think we're just going to get a hotel close to Michigan Ave. and spend a day taking pictures, going out to eat, walking around, and a couple days going to the Art Museum and maybe somewhere else.

Saving the money makes me feel a lot better because now that Bryan's debt is paid off, we're working on mine now. I have one credit card that is making me feel so depressed. The interest rate is so high that $56 of every $100 I pay every month gets taken as interest... so I'm never paying it off. I almost cried yesterday as I  sucked it up and put a huge chunk of money on it from my savings account. I know it had to be done, and we plan on having it completely paid in full by the end of next month. I pay almost $1k a month in student loans (Yeah... cue jaw drop here) so I have been working on building my savings account to cover 3 months of me not working after Nora is born. They say money can't buy happiness.... but man, it really does help!

Every time someone asks "What would you do if you won the lottery?" I answer, "Pay off my student loans" before saying "Buy a new house, save for my children, travel around the world" etc. They're like this big grey cloud that follow me. I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology with a mound of debt attached. I didn't go to school for business, or management, or nursing.. I went in because psychology facinates me. The only problem is the average psych job pays around $20,000. The last job I was in, I was in a residential facility with teenage boys with mental illness. I ran therapy groups sometimes, monitored them, charted on them, and had to constantly be on my toes to prevent physical fights. It was a HARD job... I came home crying some nights and I went back into work anxious and feeling like I was going to throw up. They only paid $11/hour. For all of the mental and physical work I put in, I got about $1400 a month. Paying rent alone with my student loans was impossible. I went to school for 4 years and graduated with a high B average to have a job that I can't live on. It's hard, and it sucks... but this will be my life for the next 13 years until they are paid off!

Alright... I guess that's enough venting for one day. It's just already been a rough day with Bryan being sick, me having AWFUL morning sickness before work, and then sliding off the road... I'm just ready to call it a day and go home. I feel like my belly is tight from stress. Poor Nora has an anxious, stressed out mom... and I'm trying my best to relax and stop thinking so much. But for those of you who have anxiety know you can't "just relax". It's much harder and it's sometimes impossible. The racing thoughts, the compulsive actions, the repetitive thoughts about the past or what "might" happen in the future, or the overwhelming sense of dread are always there. Sometimes it's just easier to push them away than other days. Poor Bryan has gotten an earful about cleaning the apartment because when I stress, the apartment HAS to be clean. The other night before bed I went on a cleaning rampage scrubbing the bathroom down so I could sleep. I need to just let things be!

 I'm in for a long weekend and I'm going to just push through it and know that I'll be a better, wiser person in the end.